“By examining everything that irritates us, we will come to understand ourselves” (quoting C.G.Jung).

“Everything that annoys you in others is only a projection of what you have not resolved in yourself.” (quoting Buddha)

We project onto others what we don’t want to see in ourselves. This causes an inner conflict that interferes with relationships because the relationships you establish are about you. It is often the case that the people with whom we have a connection are exactly what we need at that particular moment in our lives: the least adequate person can be our best teacher.

Life gives us relationships to show us directly what lies within us, who we really are. The other person only acts as a mirror, giving us the chance to find ourselves again, to give us the experience we need to get back to who we really are.

The lessons to be learned can have many different aspects such as: setting our limits, communicating, respecting ourselves, being true to ourselves, recognizing our qualities. Therefore, if we attract a violent partner this does not mean that we have the same behavior towards others. On the contrary, it may be that we adopt violent attitudes towards ourselves (not respecting our limits, not taking into account our fundamental needs, criticizing ourselves), or that the relationship invites us to take back the remote control of our lives, to have the courage to set our limits and to treat ourselves better.