Listening in dialogue implies listening more to the meaning than to the words. It is listening with the heart rather than the head because the dialogue in itself is a journey with the heart. In true listening we go beyond the words, we see through the words themselves to seek the person who is revealed in all his truth, his natural beauty.
Instead of playing to win, set yourself the goal of finding the right balance, necessary to make progress with the winning strategy of listening.
You must try to detach yourself from the desire to prevail in dialogue, and think instead about what is more important in your relationship: to be right or to be happier?
Dialogue should be about mutual understanding, mutual respect, mutual cooperation, it is about listening and sharing, not dominance and control. It is not “I win and you lose” but “I listen to you” and “You listen to me” which according to the principle of Transactional Analysis can be expressed in “I am OK – YOU are OK”.
So, to start with, try to understand the partner’s point of view by considering his/her thoughts, feelings, and fragilities. Show the partner that you are listening, let the partner know that you understand him/her and if not, ask again and again for understanding.
Relationships require compromise and balance, nobody gets everything they want exactly the way they want it.
When dialogue ceases, love dies, and resentment and hatred arise but dialogue can bring a dead relationship back to life. There are no winners and losers in dialogue, only winners. Dialogue enriches your soul and living through dialogue with another person is like living twice.
The joys are doubled in the exchange and the sorrows are halved through participation. Dialogue is essentially the purest act of love and the secret to staying in love.